Nurses to Train Camels in the Art of Holding in a Piss.
Nurses will be sent to Saudi Arabia in an effort to train Camels to improve water retention skills.
A team of six nurses from a Dorset NHS Trust will shortly begin a secondment to a Saudi Arabian holiday resort where they will be tasked with training the resident camels in the well known nursing art of holding in a piss.
Mark Flintforth, CEO of Sand & See Holidays, said, “We need to maximise profits from the Camel excursions. The camels stop about every 3 miles for a wee and it’s just not good enough. Last year we stopped giving them water in an attempt to drive efficiencies, but some died and certain snowflakes got themselves in a right twist. So we can’t do that anymore, even though we think that the camels drinking during shift looks unprofessional, they have to have access to a drink at all times. So, we’ve decided to ask these hydration retention consultants to train our camels not to wee. Problem solved.”
The move is somewhat controversial though, as some see asking animals to hold in a pee for hours on end as cruel and degrading. Prendergast Fartangle-Smithe of the Governments Animal Welfare Committee said, “This simply isn’t good enough. Nurses are paid handsomely to hold it in, but these poor animals have no choice in the matter”. He later commented that he would refer the matter to the Committee Chair, Lord Chudney-Butters. He could not provide further comment as he was “late for the hunt at Blandworth House…”.
Jeremy Hunt has also waded in stating, “We have spent years training these nurses to go without water, food and ablutions, it is only right that NHS Trusts should seek to diversify by taking full advantage of these skills”. It is thought that the Trust will receive up to £800 per day, per nurse for time they spend training the Camels.
Blakely Totwallop, Chief Executive of the hospital said, “We have thought long and hard about how to best use the skills our nurses have. We have decided that the best place for them is in the desert, training camels”. The initiative was though up by “Mind, Business and Life Architect” John Fatwallet, who told us that “People needn’t worry about the expense to the public purse. The nurses are taking the time out of their annual leave. It’s practically a holiday.”
The hospital are considering further initiatives including a project in the North Pole to train elves in working at Christmas and not seeing their family.